Klaine - I Tried...

A ten minute drive.
Half an hour of hiking.
That's all it took.
It was late at night, or early morning, not that he cared.
His head was void of all thoughts, his body void of all feeling as he moved aside the last ferns and branches, before stepping into the small clearing.
The young man took a deep breath, not noticing the smell of flowers.
He walked through the clearing, sitting down on a fallen tree, which was like a natural bench.
To him, the place hadn't changed at all since the first time he was there, when they were there.
One thing had changed however. One small thing.
Raindrops started falling softly, but he paid them no attention, his mind only seeing the past, that day two years ago.

*flashback*

"Blaine, it's lovely!" Kurt exclaimed upon entering the clearing.
"I'm glad you like it," his boyfriend said, sneaking his arms around the waist of the slightly taller boy.
"LIKE IT?!" Kurt retorted. "Are you crazy?"
"If by crazy you mean crazy for you, then I am guilty as charged," Blaine answered, planting a small peck to Kurt's neck. Kurt poked his tongue out at him, laughing.
"Then I am crazy too"
"Oh, so you are crazy about yourself? A bit shellfish aren't we?" Blaine said, mock hurt coloring his voice.
"Obviously."
Kurt turned, and smiled down at his boyfriend.
Boyfriend.
His boyfriend.
Even after four years of dating, four years of calling him his boyfriend, Kurt would never tire of calling him just that.
Blaine took his hand, leading him to the fallen tree at the other edge of the clearing.
They smiled at each other, both thinking back to the day when Blaine showed up at McKinley and sang Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know", on the first day of Kurt's transfer back to his old school.
He coaxed Kurt into sitting down at it, smiling nervously down at him as he did.
"Is something wrong Blaine?" Kurt asked, a bit worried.
"No, no, not at all babe"
He took a deep breath and pulled something out of his pocket.
Then he got down on one knee. Tears welled in Kurt's eyes.
Blaine opened the box, and looked up in his boyfriend's eyes.
"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, will you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my husband?"
"Oh Blaine! Yes, yes, a thousand times YES!"
Kurt threw his arms around his boyf-, nay, fiancé, knocking them both to the ground, covered in flowers.
He kissed Blaine, tears streaming from his eyes. They sat up, and Blaine put the simple gold band on his finger.
They laughed and cried and kissed each other, whispering "I love you's" in between the kisses.

*End flashback*

Whilst being locked in his memories, the rain had started to fall heavily, blending with the tears he hadn't realized he'd shed.
His chestnut hair laid flat and and dripping against his porcelain skin.
Not that he cared.
He stopped caring exactly one year ago, when he got the message.

*flashback*

A knock on the door.
He opened.
Outside, a policeofficer.
"Kurt Hummel?"
"Yes?" Kurt's brow furrowed in confusion.
"This is the residence of a Mr Blaine Anderson, right?"
"Yes." Now he was worried. Where was Blaine anyways?
"At 06:34 this morning he passed away; it was a hit-and-run by a trailer. The paramedics tried all they could, but his life was not to save."
Kurt could only stare at the officer in confusion.
"I'm sorry for your loss sir."
It hit him then, what the man had said.
Kurt sank to the floor.

*End flashback*

Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you
No more love and no more pride
And thoughts are all I have to do

'I don't want to forget you'

Ohhhhhh remember when it rained
I felt the ground and looked up high and called your name
Remember when it rained
In the darkness I remain

"'BLAINE!"
Kurt yelled at the sky, which was now pouring, mixing the raindrops with his own tears.

Tears of hope run down my skin
Tears for you that will not dry
They magnify the one within
And let the outside slowly die

'I won't stop hoping that this was all just a dream'

Ohhhhhh remember when it rained
I felt the ground and looked up high and called your name
Remember when it rained
In the water I remain

"BLAINE!"

Running down...
Running down...
Running down...
Running down...
Running down...
Running down...
Running down...

He fell to his knees in the now soaked grass. He did not notice it. He was soaked as well.
His arms wrapped tight around his upper body, shaking with silent tears.
He threw his head back and screamed at the sky.

Ohoooo
Ohoooooooooo
Ohoooo
Ohoooooooooo

Running down...

His fiancé.
His boyfriend.
His Blaine.
His life.

They were planning their wedding. That day, it was one month left.
One month left until they would become Kurt and Blaine Hummel-Anderson.
Blaine had only gone to get coffee from the coffee shop down the street.
He never came back.
He never came home.

Kurt lifted his head and looked at the tombstone.
"I tried Blaine, I really did.
It's been one year now. In one month we were supposed to celebrate our first of many anniversaries as husbands.
"I tried living without you Blaine, I really did.
Not because I wanted to, but because I know you wouldn't forgive me if I didn't try..
"It's been one year now.
Nothing has changed.
And I miss you more every day.
I love you more every day.
I know with everything I am, with every fiber of my being that this will never end, never change.
My love for you is eternal; nothing and no one can change that."
His black pants were entirely soaked, as was his red coat, the only color he'd worn in a year.
Everything was stark against his pale, sickingly thin body.
With a wet, shaking hand, he pulled a handkerchief out if his shirtpocket, putting it to his face; drawing in the faint scent of Blaine that still lingered there somehow, one year after.
"I've tried for so long.
And even though it's been exactly one year, I still can't rid myself of the feeling that any moment, you will walk through the door, two cups of coffee and a bag of bagels in your hand, with your dorky, neon-pink sunglasses on, humming along to some Disney-song, and kiss me good morning.
"I've been waiting, hoping, yearning for that to happen, even though I know it won't.
You never came. And I realized this morning that never will."
Kurt took a deep, shaky breath.
"I DON'T WANT TO FORGET YOU!" he yelled towards the sky, in pure desperation.
"I don't want to live on without you, knowing that one morning I will wake up, and you won't be the first thing I think about. That one day you won't be on my mind. I can't cope with that!
"I don't want to wake up next to another person.
I don't want to live on without you and have kids, because I only ever want YOUR kids, biologically or not.
I only want YOU as the father of mine, OUR children!.
I need YOU Blaine. Only you, no one else.
Dad, Carole, Finn … My family means NOTHING without you.
I can't think of them now, not anymore. Just you, only you.
I'm not selfish, I'm not. I'm not doing this for myself; I'm doing this for US.
I tried, but I'm not strong enough.
It's been one year Blaine. One year too long. One second too long. But not anymore.
Now is the time for me to join you.
I can't live in a world where you don't exist. Not being able to see you smile, not being able to hear you laugh, talk, cry, sing…
I'm not saying goodbye to this world, to this life. There is no world, no life without you here, without you alive.
"So I'm not saying goodbye. I'm saying hello. Hello to you"
He took a small bottle out of his pocket.
"I'm sorry darling, I wish I was stronger. I hope you'll forgive me"
Kurt traced the name on the tombstone. Blaine Anderson.
He made sure that would be the last thing he saw in the world. In his mind, he could see Blaine laugh and welcome him into his open arms.
He drank the contests of the bottle. The world turned black.
He collapsed back on the ground.
And Kurt Hummel opened his eyes no more.

------

Full Title: I Tried, But I Wasn’t Strong Enough

A sappy, "omg creys" I stayed up writing in an hour yesterday, so I could fall asleep (my poor hand)
Wrote some of it today too, because I still couldn't get it out of my system

Songinfo
Remember When it Rained by singer/songwriter Josh Groban
When you reach the part with the lyrics, please put it on^^
[link]

I'd read a sad one-shot myself that day, by the amazing [link] (Maybe If), and that night I couldn't manage to fall asleep without writing, so I stayed up for an hour writing the first thing that came to my mind, which was this.
At first I didn't even plan on including the song, but I just searched to my iPod for some sad song, and came over this song. So then I had to include it.
I finally managed to fall asleep, and thought I'd gotten it out of my system.
But then I was at work, and inspiration came to me, so I wrote about an a4 page (for hand), basically everything - apart from a few lines - after the song. And then I typed it all up when I got home

Cosplays

(This will just be a filler as I need to make the post about London Expo, and I just had to say this)

Ever felt nervous and exited about a cosplay? So much that it makes your heart stutter when you think about it, because you know it'll be great, even without it being close to finished?
No?
Me neither.
Until now.

I just started thinking about the Angel Sanctuary cosplays my darling uke is currently making. (Not saying who we are just yet ;))
Wings are getting closer to comletion, but we still haven't gotten our feathers from Rainbow Feathers, even though I ordered them May 10th.
We've sendt them three emails, requesting information, but haven't heard a single thing... And we have five wings that needs to be complete BEFORE DesuCon which is in three weeks and one day...
WE NEED THEM NAO!
It can't possibly take over a month, can it?
*stressed*
Either way, I know it'll be great, and I shall try not to die due to wearing (fake) latex^^"

Photoshooooots

Yes, I've become addicted to photoshoots.
And when I see places either irl or in pics/vids I want to take pics in, I get dissapointed, as they're mostly places I can't go to...
Fuuu

And I need to think about NOT wearing clothes that are either too cold or too warm, which I've got a tendency to do^^"

Like from this photoshoot in February...



And it got colder due to someone *cough*Ida*Couch* thinking it was a good idea...



It wasn't...

I couldn't feel my toes afterwards, so I couldn't even put my shoes back on... >_<

Also, being in-ccharacter whils freezing isn't that easy...
So after the first part (pic one), we went inside the barn, where this came to be:

Oh Envy, you're so gay for Ed XD

*ahem*

Well Envy, you did have it coming...


And this brings us to April...
Warmer, almost no snow, but still cold...
A nymph, Will of the Abyss and a zombie ahoy!

I just love the light in this and the next


Will of the Abyss! From the manga/anime series Pandora Hearts



Oh noes! PREY OF THE GASMASK ZOMBIE!!!



And then I waded in ankle-deep ice water, and then shit happened, which made me SICK!
and I still am, three weeks after >_<

Oh, hai thar

Hurdurrudrr...

Soooo... Blogging got pushed to the side again (like so many times before^^"), and it's not like I've got a valid excuse for NOT blogging, when I've got time after all.. Or?

*cough*

Aanywaaaays.. I do like blogging, I just normally don't know what to blog about, and I don't wanna bore the crap out of my (non-existing) followers, soooo... Yeah
And when I do blog, I only write in my journal over at my dA http://midnightminx90.deviantart.com/

Anyways, work's good, private life's REALLY good, and IT'S FRIGGIN SPRING!!!!! *aaaaaaah*
*runs around like a maniac, trips, gets up and continues to type*


It's been four weeks since we returned from Paris *ALREADY?!*, where it seemed like it was June, whils we still had snow here. When the sun FINALLY came out and the temp started rising, the snow went away, everything turned green and flowers appeared.
And now it's FRIGGIN MAY!

Seriously, on Friday it was four weeks left until our London trip for London Expo.
I need to order some shit (I don't know what it's called) for my AVPM Voldemort cosplay.
and right now I can't recall my other cosplay ^^"

Speaking of cosplays, I've got a rather expensive one coming up..
Lucifer from Angel Sanctuary
Luckily, I'm not making it myself (I mean, I'm gonna have HUMONGUS wings!).. "Only" two wings though, thankfully... I know one cosplayer had FOUR!
And Ida (sauenmartine.blogspot.com) will be Alexiel and she'll have three wings... and she's the one making it all too, which is great, not only for my part, but for hers too, as she can use it for her portfolio. :3

And I want to write moar, but I'm gonna make separate entries for all that, as this was meant as a slight overview of what's been going on/gonna happen

Look out for more

*random blog entry was random*

Jack Rubinacci

I found this interview on the page of a friend of mine, Jack Rubinacci, a singer/songwriter currently residing in Drammen, Norway, and just thought I'd share it with you, because I really like it =)

It's rather long, but I hope you'll take the time to read it =)

Indepth Interview RE New Album and Life in General...

Sep 04, 08:09 AM

Transcribed From Redbrick University Student Newspaper Interview. To Be Published Soon.

Hello Jack, and thank you for agreeing to this interview. Lets start off with “How are you?”

I’m great thank you, had some time off after a pretty hectic schedule making the new album. Its been nice not to have the weight of constantly needing new songs over me, and being able to just relax. It can start to take over your life if you’re not careful.

How did you first get started in music?

Growing up in Birmingham I was always aware that my father was a musician. I didnt know him as a child and the concept of an adult “playing” something, like a piano, as a job, was always strange to me. But something about it was always appealing.

I met my dad for the first time when I was about 11 and he took me all around Rome where he lives. One of the places he took me was the posh hotel where he worked as a piano bar player. Music seemed really glamorous to me back then, everyone drinking Remy Martin and smoking cigars to the sound of Billy Joel.

When I used to visit him, he’d have to take me to work with him as he had no one to look after me. So I’d fall asleep in the corner of this hotel lobby where he was playing, hearing these classic piano bar songs as I’d drift off. Strange as this sounds, I’ve often wondered if thats the reason why I find coming up with my own melodies very easy.

I knew at 14 that I wanted to be a songwriter when I grew up. I told my dad. I was was visiting him on my school holidays and the night before I’d been with him to one of his shows in a hotel outside of Rome in the hills. He’d let me get up and sing one song with him, Joe Cocker’s verison of “Unchain My Heart”. It had gone down well. We were sat on the beach the next day, and thats when I told him I wanted to be a songwriter.

What did he think of that?
He was a little hesitant at first, thinking it might be just a whim. But he could tell that i was dead serious. I’d been singing in bands then for about a year, and I knew that this was what I wanted to do in life. The only advice my dad could give me was to “eat bread and Beatles”.

You are half Italian and half English, do you feel more English or Italian, and why?

In day to day life I definitely feel English. I spent the most formative years, 12 to 17 living in Birmingham, and from there I get my teenage memories which i think are very important. I have a strong sense of the bizarre, having grown up with the Two Ronnies, Monty Python etc. There are alot of TV memories, music memories that come from that era, and they all lead back to England.

But when I’m with my father I also see alot of myself in him. His impulsiveness, quick temper, his artistic temperament. He’s psychological out look on life, which I think is a very Italian trait. So I’m a mongrel of sorts.

What was it like growing up in Italy?

We were nothing but poor in Italy. We were poor all day, every day. We lived in a place called Paterno’, just outside of Catania. We rented a house in an area where Italians would have holiday houses, at the foot of Mount Etna, the largest active volcano in Europe. We lived there all year round cause it was cheap, whilst the Italians would go there during holidays. That made it a strange place to live, cause most of the time the place was completely isolated, only us and an American family who worked on the local US military base, lived there all year round. Come the weekend or holidays however, the place was over run with loud, spoilt Italian kids and their families. It was strange, during those times I hid in doors.

My mother was struggling to get work as an English school teacher, and there was no one else around to help us. It got really bad. Sometimes we’d go to the local shop, “La vecchia signora’s” we called it, “the old lady’s shop”. I would go in and give the old lady a story about how my dad had gone to Rome and forgotten to leave some money for food. Could she give us the food now and my dad would pay later. We did this a couple times, when things got really bad. After a couple times the old lady commented something like “your dad’s a bit forgetful isn’t he”… but we always paid her back so she didn’t mind. She wasnt stupid, she knew the score.

Those years in Sicily gave both me and my mom a strange relationship to money. For me, I’ve never had a penny in my life, so when I became an adult and had no money as a broke musician, it didn’t scare me, it still doesnt. Whereas my mom never wanted to go back to that situation. When we left Sicily we flew back to England and ended up living in Luton of all places.

My mom had two suite cases and £100 in her pocket, with two kids to look after.. Those years of poverty drove my mom to become successful, and she achieved it. She started her own company and made a lot of money, which she later lost, but she’s still driven to succeed. I’m incredibly proud of her. There’s only 17 years between us, cause, well she was 17 when she had me.. so I can relate to her as an adult as well as a mom.. So thats why i’m so proud of her.

Looking back on your first album, what memories or emotions come to mind?

Misery….. It was a fucking nightmare… Just no other way of putting it. But I’m glad it happened the way it did, it made a man out of me, but it was a nightmare.

In my early 20’s I’d turned down two record deals. So when I got the offer from Paul Lindsey to invest in me, allowing me complete artistic control over the record, I felt it was time to put some of my songs down.

I’d never felt I was good enough until then. Thats the reason why I left Honeyman, my first real band. I just didnt feel my song writing was ready to put songs on a record, although everyone around me was screaming at me to the contrary telling me to stop hesitating and get a record out.

By the time I met Paul I felt ready. He and I created RAR Records with the intention of making a great album, then licensing it to a real record company. One of the things that attracted me to the deal was that Paul and I had the same intentions, to make a fantastic album, and Paul was prepared to help me make that happen.

So we went ahead, worked with Tchad Blake, an amazing producer, at Peter Gabriel’s Real World. The problems started happening after we’d finished. By the end of the recording, i’d been so pedantic with the sound, wanting it to be the greatest record ever, that we’d run up a huge bill. So when it came to license the album, nobody wanted the responsibility. It was just too much for an unknown, first time artist. The industry at the time was in panic, not knowing what to do about the downloading problem, and here I come along with a hugely expensive, introverted debut album with songs about Crashing Cars and suicide. This happened both here in Norway and in London.

It was a terrible period in my life. Fucking nightmare. I wouldnt want to go through it again. We did get an offer for distribution by a huge Major label, but i didnt see the point. Its no good a record being in the shop if a record company wont let me have the means to tour the record and get to a venue in a town where they might be selling the record.

What was even more frustrating was that the first single we released in Norway on our own independent label, the song “She Makes Me Feel”, had been A listed by 8 different radio stations and play listed by 17 all across Norway. It stills get regularly played in P1, the biggest station over here. By the end we’d had 3 songs play listed by stations all across the country on heavy rotation.

It was a fucked a situation. I’d waited so long to make the perfect record, worked for years on my songwriting, turning down record deals etc, and here I was being told nobody wanted to risk it. It was a very difficult time.

Eventually, we turned the situation into an advantage. By not being tied to anyone, we could make our own decisions. I Knew I had to keep moving forward, it was a desperate time. Thats when Paul and I took a huge risk, we decided to make this album a stepping stone to the next, hoping that we could get interest in me as a songwriter and keep moving forward. So we put the record on the Net as a free download.

People thought we were crazy, but it worked. Newspapers in Norway became interested, and people from all over the world downloaded the album, curious to hear this album that had been made at Abbey Road and Real World by Tchad Blake, and was being given away for free.

From all this publicity I got the deal with a clothes company who bought up 20 000 copies of the album and sent me on a 49 date tour of Norway. This really helped as it again created more media interest on radio and in the papers. From having zero budget to promote the album, not even a penny, I’d managed to do a huge tour, (nobody does 50 dates in Norway) and get myself in something like 50 newspaper articles. From there I went to the next album.

Looking back I’m proud i got through the first year after the first album was made. It nearly broke me and I’m proud I didnt brake. Many would of given up, but time and time again I kept asking myself, do i really need this shit? Do I need to be a songwriter this bad? is it worth this hell? and every time the answer was.. of course I fucking well do.. But i’m not sure I’d put me or my family through that again if i had to go back.

Can you tell us a little bit about your new album, the inspiration behind it and the goals you set yourself with it?

I began writing new songs for this album immediately after finishing my Norwegian tour, around March of 2009. I’d seen some amazing landscapes along the way, the north of Norway is very deep into the arctic circle, its like what I imagine being on the moon is like. The new songs I was writing reflected some of my experiences. It was originally going to be called “The Glacier Bridge” and I imagined lots of glacier type sounds.

I knew I wanted to use a different sound pallet to the first album. The first album is very organic in its sound, which was ok for then, but I definately wanted to be more experimental this time. I had a very strong idea about where it was going even before i set foot in the studio. I knew I wanted it to be more rhythm and bass orientated. I’d been going through all the old recordings I did with my first band Honeyman who were hugely rhythimcal and bass driven, it sort of reminded me of where I come from. I also knew I wanted there to be a lot of distorted keyboard lines. There’s something about the frequencies distortion gives off that just excites the ear, especially when its used on instruments other than the guitar, like a keyboard line. I always loved the way Sly Stone used it on his vocals.

I was also determined to have a lot of raw honesty in the lyrics of these new songs. During the time between album one and this one, i feel like i’ve changed, become more blunt and brutal about the way I express myself in song. I still love metaphor, like the song Perfect Crime off album one, which is a metaphor for suicide. I just wanted these new lyrics to say exactly how i am feeling right now. I really love the way alot of the hip hop artists just lay it all on the line, real brutal like. I love the way Lennon did it too. He managed to write personal, universal songs, if you understand what I mean.

I had about 15 songs written by the end of Spring 2009. I was planning to make the album with Ian Grimble in London who had recorded the two singles off my first album. We had everything set, the band, rough dates etc.

Then on the 20th of June I got a phone call. It was one of my oldest friends. I thought nothing of it when I saw her name come up on my phone as I was supposed to see her in two days time. I answered and heard her crying down the phone. I was walking through the library in my home town trying to find a quite spot to hear better. She said I have some terrible news, she basically told me that her brother, one of my best friends had died the night before. He was 38.

I spent the next 3 weeks helping the family out with funeral arrangements, trying to be there as much as I could for the family, helping in any small way i could. I cant really put into words what Paulie meant to me. Not only was he one of my best friends, someone I loved deeply, he was also heavily involved with my music, having been involved with it on many levels for about 13 years, as a fan and sounding board.

When the dust settled, I had a burst of creativity. I needed to express how I felt about it. Deep down i needed to talk about Paulie, I couldnt bear the thought of that being it for him. We were so full of plans, dreams, things we were gonna do together once our ship came in. I had to keep him in my life some how, and the only way I knew how was to write how i felt about him. I loved him deeply, he was such a good friend to me.

Do you think you managed to express what you wanted to say in your songs?

I needed to express myself in a way that was multi dimensional. Its like I mentioned with Lennon, the personal/universal sort of thing. The songs had to be wide in their dimensions, otherwise there would be no motion in them, no tomorrow.

Paulie’s death sent me on a journey and it was that journey I wanted to write about. The day after he died I planted a tree in my garden. I dug the whole with my hands, there was something soothing about feeling the soil slip through my fingers, its hard to describe, i felt connected to the earth, and it made it feel ritualistic. I wanted to feel connected to all things, and feeling the soil in my hands helped that, I felt like, if I could connect to all things, i could connect to Paulie again.

I started asking questions that I’ve never really considered before, Spirituality, Religion all things metaphysical. I spent days watching Carl Jung video’s on Youtube. Its funny how you attract things into your life. I went to a big charity fate around the same time and came across loads of books on the subject I was studying, a whole Time Life series about metaphysics, a Carl Sagan book called “The Demon Haunted World”… i mean this was a local fate in Drammen Norway. The chances of finding metaphysical books in English are pretty remote. Thats where songs like “The Enemies Of Reason” came from and “The Heart Beats On”. They were sort of my conclusions on all the things i’d been studying…

How did you end up working with Thomas Johansen in Washington DC?

All through this learning and studying period i was writing new songs and sending them over to Ian Grimble in London. The songs were becoming more and more electronic and keyboard driven. By September 2009 it was apparent to Ian that something had to be decided upon. He called me up and we spoke at length about the album. He felt i needed to take a decision, either make a guitar based album with him in London, or follow the direction the demo’s had been taking into a more experimental area.

I wasnt sure what to do. Ian is an amazing producer who’s worked with artists I really admire. i put the phone down and sat and thought about it for half an hour. I called Ian back up saying I was a little nervous about it, but I felt I wanted to develop the keyboard/experimental dynamic. Ian, was an absolute gentleman about it, something I’ll always respect him for. He said he thought i was making the right decision. He said he knew someone who could help. That was Thomas In DC. It was a huge risk I was taking. I was going from someone I knew and trusted to someone I didnt know at all. But I trust Ian, so I went with it.

Tell us about working with Thomas Johansen and being in DC?

I ended up going to DC 3 times. I liked DC straight away. We were just outside the city in a place called Reston. Its a very clean, polite and quiet type of suburb. But I liked it. Its funny with The States, you can be in the cleanest, quietest suburb going, but somehow in the back of your mind you know the wilderness is always just around the corner. What I mean is, Reston for example is like i mentioned clean and quite, but you drive 10 minutes down the road and you’ve got Great Falls, a crazy powerful river with rapids, Eagles and Rattle Snakes. I got the same feeling whilst visiting North Carolina.

When I landed Thomas met me at the airport, and of course I was nervous, i had no idea whether it was going to work or what the studio was like. But it all worked out amazingly. The studio was in Thomas’s house. He had a whole ground floor area and my room and bathroom were right next to the studio. It was just amazing.

Thomas is perhaps the most similar person to me I’ve ever met. it was very bizare getting to know him, it was like looking into a mirror thats slowly demystifying and starting to see the reflection in the mirror looks more and more like you. We were so similar on so many levels.

Give us an example

Well, one of the ways he’s like me is how he’s very laid back with most things, until it gets to music. He’s a very sweet and kind guy, kinder than i’ll ever be, but when it comes to music, he takes no fucking prisoners..! he’s brutal. He in fact rejected most the songs i presented to him. I really liked he’s brutal honesty and reacted well to it, cause thats how i am. Thomas is Danish born and bred, and like the Norwegians who I know a little about, they are the most fucking blunt people you’ll ever come across..!!

What did Thomas Johansen think of you ideas regarding the sound etc?

We spoke about where i was coming from, but right from the off we had a clear picture of where we were going. We wanted to cross hip hop beats and production with my melodic type songwriting. Thomas never had a doubt were he wanted to take it. We spoke about albums that we wanted to keep in mind during the production, the main one was Kanye West’s “808’s & Heart Breaks”. I’d spent the whole summer listening to it. Its just an amazing piece of art which i admire greatly. We also played Kid Cudi’s debut album alot too. Thats where we were going beats wise. Melodically I just bought my natural instincts which always revert back to my love of Lennon & McCartney and Benny & Bjørn. I just love clean, logical melodies. The logic appeals to me. What’s difficult is placing those clean melodies into an environment where they don’t become sterile. Thats where Thomas came in.

Thomas loves subverting sound. We pulled in different directions, me towards the centre which is my natural instinct pulling towards straight pop songs, whilst he was pulling me away from the centre into more left field areas regarding beats and distorted basses. Thomas is amazing. I could not of found someone better to have worked with on this album.. He took any suggestion I had and took it much further than i could ever imagine it. He is an exceptional producer. Even more exceptional for being so kind and patient with artists.. As an artist this is hugely important and something that producers often forget.

Do you think you have achieved everything you set out to do on this album?

Yes. When i listen to the album i hear me, my thoughts, twisted, contracted, inverted, yearning and manic. Lyrically I expressed what i wanted to say, and musically Thomas managed to create the perfect environment for the songs.

Jack Rubinacci “The Opal Tree”. Out soon.

Interview by Beth Porter.
Photo by Luke Rodilosso

So, I am now blogging to...

... wish Kellan Christopher Lutz a very happy and amazing 25th birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Book-quote of the week

'Music is an artform that involves organised sounds and silence, Madomasèla Léonie. We consider it now an entertainment, a diversion, but it is so much more than that. Think instead of knowledge expressed in terms of pitch, that is to say, melody and harmony; in terms of rhythm, that is tempo and metre; and in terms of the quality of sound, timbre, dynamics and texture. Put simply, music is a personal response to vibration.'
She nodded. 'I have read that it may, in certain situations, provide a link between this world and the next. That a person might pass from one dimension to another. Do you think there could be some veracity in such claims, Monsieur Baillard?'
He met her gaze. 'There is no pattern the human mind can device that does not exist already within the bounds of nature,' he said. 'Everything we do, see, write, notate, all are an echo of the deep seams of the universe. Music is the invisible world made visible through sound'

This is taken from the book 'Sepulchre' by Kate Mosse, and it the sequel to The Labyrinth